Ladies and gentlemen, let us rise and applaud the man who has turned political opportunism into a lifelong vocation. While others dabble in governance, policy, or—God forbid—service to the people, this titan of ambition has only one mission: to ascend as the sole northern colossus, towering over every other politician from Sokoto to Borno. Why settle for being a leader when you can declare yourself the leader?

His genius lies not in vision but in survival. He doesn’t build bridges; he burns them with style, then charges a toll to anyone foolish enough to try crossing. Today he is in bed with one camp, tomorrow he’s plotting with their sworn enemies. Loyalty, after all, is such an overrated commodity. Principles? That’s just a fancy word the gullible cling to; our hero prefers the practical art of betrayal, seasoned with a smile and a handshake.

Do not be distracted by the cries of insecurity, poverty, or crumbling infrastructure across the North. Such distractions are for governors and weaklings. Our statesman knows the real priority: ensuring that every political calculation in the region begins and ends with him. If it requires sacrificing allies, discarding protégés, or kneeling before yesterday’s enemies, he does it with Olympic grace. Some call it desperation; he calls it strategy.

And let’s admire the sheer audacity. He doesn’t just want to be influential—he wants to erase rivals from history, as if northern politics were a desert with room for only one oasis: himself. Other politicians may dream of leaving legacies; he dreams of leaving monopolies.

So here we stand, spectators in a theater where one man auditions for every role: kingmaker, candidate, godfather, and messiah. Whether the North prospers or collapses is a side note, because what truly matters is his coronation as the one and only political sun—around which every other star must orbit or else vanish.

And honestly, who are we to complain? Every kingdom deserves its emperor, even if he crowns himself with opportunism, polishes it with betrayal, and parades it as destiny.